Women’s Tips Guides

For nine years Jeff worked for company G as an engineer. Flying airplanes was his first love. His job came in a close second place. That changed when Jeff met Judy. Their relationship quickly turned serious and they married.

When Jeff and Judy sat down to do financial planning as a couple, Judy learned Jeff’s salary was surprisingly low. With a human resource background, Judy knew the salary range for Jeff’s type of work, and what his credentials were worth. Jeff was seriously underpaid.

Jeff was shocked and somewhat crestfallen. His attitude was, I’m lucky to do what I love AND GET PAID for having fun! As Jeff began to understand his market value he felt betrayed. Had he been duped? Had he been a fool for years? Was his company taking advantage of him? He wanted to keep his job. Asking for a raise was painful. The idea of asking for a 30% raise was excruciating!

With a wife and future family it was time for Jeff to pay attention to his compensation. Jeff sat down to write out his request. He was flooded with anger, frustration, fear of hearing no ‘raise for you’, and possibly the prospect of looking for another job. He felt disloyal yet asking to be paid a fair marketplace value was good business, not disloyalty. With a tug of war going on in his head, Jeff stayed focused on the conversation that would impact his future.

When he sat down with his boss Jeff got to the point. “I have worked here for nine years. My reviews have consistently been good to great. I’ve worked in several departments and handled every task assigned to me, competently. I love my job and have been very happy working here. I feel I’m underpaid and I am requesting a raise of $xx,xxx. I realize that’s a 32% increase, however, I believe that’s what my value is at this time. I know you need time to talk with upper management. When can I expect an answer?”

Jeff’s boss was dumbfounded. Jeff was asking for seven times what their typical raise amount was, yet he sensed Jeff had a fresh understanding of his value and was dead serious. Jeff did not cloud his request with emotion, accusations, or justifications. Jeff did not threaten to leave if he did not get the raise. He stated his position and was specific about his needs.

Caught off guard, his boss simply said, “I hear you. Give me 48 hours to get you an answer.” The next 48 hours were agonizing for Jeff and Judy. Finally, Jeff was called into his boss’ office. “After careful consideration we are prepared to offer you $xx,xxx. That’s a 30.5% increase. Will that work?”

Now Jeff was dumbfounded. He was thrilled he had made the request. “Yes. That works fine. When will it start?” was Jeff’s response.

Jeff had newfound respect for himself and his credentials. He did what was right in his mind for his future. He had created an effective message. He spoke in words that were comfortable for him. Emotions could have derailed his request but Jeff was careful to check his statements against the one principle and edit out any ineffective comments. Negative messages can trigger resistance, or resentment. Jeff disliked conflict and was proud of his behavior.

We all live complicated lives. Using proven communication tools is easy when we simply get to know them. When we communicate effectively, we are able to omit ineffective tactics, knowing they are likely to foil our efforts.

Communicating well gives you an advantage. You can create outcomes that move your life forward and get your needs met consistently.

This is a true story. You too can address sensitive issues effectively. With one, easy to remember principle and ten communication skills, you can express your truth in your unique way, and know you said the right thing.

Kimberly Schenk has over 25 years experience in business. She created a simple communication method out of necessity. She shares her successful method with everyone who wants to see more of their needs met in her eBook, Mighty Mouth.Mighty Mouth

Women used to throw together a costume for a weekend costume party from whatever they found at the local thrift store or in their closet, but these days women’s Halloween costumes are going high end. Today’s women are looking for stylish, well-made costumes with attention to detail.

Part of the trend is due to the rise in costume events for adults. Where costumes were once primarily reserved for children, today’s adults often attend Halloween parties sponsored by charities, companies and local restaurants and bars. The competition to see who wears the most striking outfit can be fierce, and both women and men are investing heavily in outfitting themselves to impress.

Women in particular are looking for outfits that step beyond the typical pre-packaged, synthetic French maid’s costume or generic long gown of the past. Today’s women want distinctive costumes with accessories that will set them apart from the crowd.

Retailers have seen a rise in interest in women’s Halloween costumes based on historical figures such as Cleopatra, Marie Antoinette, Marylin Monroe and Geisha Girls in the last few years. Because these were real people, consumers demand authenticity and realistic details, not “costumey” or unrealistic look. Designers have taken this to heart and developed costume lines for a variety of budgets that include headdresses, wigs, jewelry and accessories.

As Cleopatra you’ll have a sumptuous collar and twining bracelet, no doubt of a snake with jeweled eyes. Geisha costumes aren’t just printed nightgowns with a sash anymore. Today they’re rich brocade kimonos with obi sashes, rich headdresses, fans and beautiful black wigs for the exotic look of the Orient.

For more mythical figures, costume designers can take a bit more latitude in the designs, but aren’t cutting any corners at all on the details! One look at a deluxe Medusa costume and you’ll see that today’s Women’s Halloween Costumes are fit for the stage. Materials like satins and chiffons will hold up to the most rigorous wear and tear, so ladies can wear them to more than one event. A recent Medusa costume we saw had an impressively detailed headdress of entwined, writhing snakes massed around an intricate gold grown set with a central faux ruby. The matching necklace of twisted snakes completed the outfit perfectly. The craftsmanship was equal to that of fine costume jewelry rather than a typical mass-produced Halloween costume.

For women who want to highlight their beauty, costumes like Athena and Aphrodite will frame them beautifully in outfits that are more true gown than flimsy costume. Look for women’s Halloween costumes made from luxurious fabrics like velveteen, crushed velvet, satin and chiffon for a realistic look.

The favorites of past years, such as pirate wenches, 1950’s sock hop girls, and witches haven’t completely fallen by the wayside, but they’re definitely new and improved! Today’s women’s witch costumes aren’t just a stretchy nylon dress and a pointed hat with some green face make-up. You can go Goth, sexy, classic or dress up your look to be the prettiest witch on the block. Details like sequins, embroidery, pointed shoes with rhinestone buckles and spider necklaces take today’s witch costumes up a notch.

Shopping for women’s Halloween costumes this year is like shopping for a great new dress for a special occasion. You’re investing in a really great outfit and all the accessories to go with it. Have fun!

Andy West is a writer for Costume Super Center which offers a wide variety of costumes including womens Halloween costumes.

Since September 11, the word “terrorism” has permeated the English language. Turn on the television or radio, pick up a newspaper, book or magazine, eavesdrop on a conversation and we’re talking terrorism. We did not however have to wait to September 11th to realize that terrorism is alive and well in this country, as well as around the world. The terrorism I am talking about is violence against women. Women and girls live with the reality of violence on a daily basis, whether it’s date rape, domestic violence, sexual assault, sexual abuse, and sexual harassment. Women have to worry about going out at night, what they’re wearing, where they’re going and who they’re going with. Many can’t even find refuge in their own homes. One out of every four women is a victim of violent attacks and violence does not discriminate. Violence knows no age, marital status, class, race, ethnicity or sexual orientation. Regardless of the pervasiveness of violence against women, we have yet to see a war against it.

The war against women must begin in the heart and soul of the female population. On a mental level, women must realize that they are worth defending and that they themselves are their own first line of defense. On a physical level, they must realize that they can make their bodies strong and learn the tools necessary to defend themselves if their lives are being threatened. Why spend endless hours in a gym peddling a stationary bike that gets you nowhere? What utility is there in zoning out on an elliptical trainer? Why not opt for a fitness regime that not only makes you strong and healthy, but also teaches you how to use your body as a weapon?

While many fitness centers offer kickboxing, don’t be lulled into a false sense of security that the class you have been taking will do you any good in a real self-defense situation. Many of these courses are taught by fitness instructors who have no idea of how to teach the martial arts, let alone apply them in a self-defense situation. We have seen a mass exodus from many of these so-called kickboxing classes with women (and men) suffering from a variety of injuries due to a lack of knowledge on the part of these instructors. There are many bad habits learned in these classes that lead to poorly executed techniques, torn ligaments and even broken bones.

In 2002, Sony Pictures released the film Enough starring Jennifer Lopez. In this movie, Ms. Lopez plays a battered woman who desperately tries to flee her abusive husband and start a new life. Unfortunately, she has nowhere to hide as he finds her at every turn. With nowhere to run, she must make the choice that any cornered creator must face, die or fight back. She chooses the latter. What would you do given that choice? Would you wait for the police? Would you wait for the court system? Would you wait for someone else to come to your rescue?

Honor yourself enough to make self-defense a part of your life. Find a school that will give you the tools you need to become a strong, confident and capable woman. Next time your health club membership is up for renewal, tell them “no thanks” and put your money toward a good martial arts school that trains you for the real world; one that will make you strong both mentally and physically. This is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

There is no doubt in my mind that women can learn to defend themselves. In my twenty plus years in teaching the martial arts I am proud to have trained many women in the art of self-defense. When you choose a school the should be reality based and you should learn how to apply what you have learned in school, on the streets. It’s not all about strength, but rather fighting smart. Remember that women have to fight smart in order to compensate for the difference in strength between the sexes. Pound per pound, I have seen women develop the skill necessary to inflict serious injury to an attacker. Self-defense should be based on logic and science, rather than a brutal training regime.

Calasanz is the creator of his own martial arts system for women, men, and children of all shapes, sizes, and abilities. You can see more of the Calasanz System at http://www.interdojo.com